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| "In the time of gathering together, we should make no arbitrary choice of the way. --I Ching
Like most little boys, I grew up with a fascination with war movies and war games. I think that gusto for conflict has been around since time immemorial. What is unique about our generation is we were around for the advent of the real time strategy game (RTS). I know that sounds hyperbolic but hear me out.
Early iterations of RTS, like Dune 2 and Warcraft 1, were groundbreaking in that they showed computer processing power was finally at a level where 200+ units could be represented in way that was graphically and behaviorally adequate. This is something earlier contests, whether computer games, board games, or sports, could not emulate. You now could participate in conflicts of a completely different scale. Concepts like advantages of position, numerical superiority, resource management could actually be played out in a way that mattered far more. Unfortunately, these games were single player. You played alone against computer AI and the save/load feature made it so you could rewind time. Everyone was a strategic genius b/c save/load allowed you to rewind time and make every decision optimally.
Warcraft II popularized multiplayer RTS. I remember the first time I ever played multiplayer--against my friend Remy--and he totally kicked my ass. Things were pretty hard with no save/load. Not being able to rely on save/load really highlighted to me the importance of understanding and manipulating the temporal and the dynamic. Since battles could not be replayed and units lose or gain strength over time, you had to make decisions about when to fight and when to play for time.
These concepts have really stayed with me. I use them at work, I use them in my relationships, I use them when managing my finances. Take for instance, work. There are many opportunities to take on somewhat trivial projects that nevertheless put you in the limelight. To me, this is like the footman rush in Warcraft III. You make a bunch of low quality units early and hope to overwhelm your opponent. If, however, he survives the rush, your opponent can win later with technologically superior units. The analog in work would be to work on more important, less immediately pressing projects. The risk in that is that other guy who took the crappy but more flashy project may have consolidated enough political capital and authority such that it doesn't matter what you do in the future.
Relationships. I used to think if you liked a girl, you just walked up to her and said "I like you." Then, I learned about the dynamic nature of a girl's affections. They're constantly in flux, sometimes high, sometimes low. You want to wait for that magic moment, the golden window. It's like that moment in Dota where the other team has been beating the hell out of you, but you somehow win a team fight. Positionally, you've been weaker all game but you now have an opportunity to permanently change the status quo. Good players are always biding their time, able to recognize those moments and capitalize on them. They can read the flow of the battle. Like sharks in the water, they can sense the
"Oh shit!" moment. It's like this in group debates. One guy might be dominating the conversation. He's got some momentum from some good points he made earlier. You disagree but it's a bad time to debate with him when he's got that momentum. Your arguments become much more effective when he's lost some of that, when he's talked so much the group is starting to tune him out. That's your "oh shit" moment.
The most influential book I've read in the last two years was Mao: A Life. His entire being was governed by these ideas and he carved a future out for both himself and his people. Being able to read disparities in strength, having the patience and wisdom to mitigate or exacerbate them using timing. These are very simple, basic ideas but just like the harmonic scale is a relatively simple idea, the music that has and can be created from them is... endless. | | |
| This guy actually spoke at Solaria. I didn't like him. He knew far less about PV than his influence would suggest. We need real leaders not demagogues.
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| Seinfeld first introduced us to neurosis as comedy. Gilmore Girls somehow took that and convinced females between the ages of 15 and 45 that men find neurotic behavior disarmingly cute. "Hi, I'm a girl and I have some mind-bogglingly inane fetish that people will use to one-dimensionally represent me. Find me winsome and charming!"
Why on earth would you think being more psychotic than you already are is a good thing?
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| Betrayals during war are childlike compared with our betrayals during peace. New lovers are nervous and tender, but smash everything. For the heart is an organ of fire.
We die, we die rich with lovers and tribes, tastes we have swallowed, bodies we have entered and swum up like rivers, fears we have hidden in, like this wretched cave. We are the real countries, not the boundaries drawn on maps with the names of powerful men. I know you will come and carry me out into the palace of winds. That's all I've wanted — to walk in such a place with you, with friends, on earth without maps.
I picked up a stray kitten 2 weeks ago. Never thought I'd have a pet, much less a cat, but I really liked Grey. Affectionate, intelligent, well-behaved. I stayed out too late Friday night. When I came back, he was gone.
Last night, I rewatched the English Patient with my roommates. It's always been one of my favorite films but I haven't seen it since college. It was a lot more poignant after my experiences these last few years. What the movie highlights well, maybe b/c of the wartime setting, is the impermanence of everything. In the peace time First World, we are able, as much as possible, to establish a feeling of continuity. Something about our psychological makeup needs that. Maybe it's b/c we're eternal creatures.
It's all an illusion though. This life is a series of chance encounters. Some simply pass by, other change us absolutely and irrevocably. We wish these would remain forever but just as abruptly as they come, so too can they leave. They are as finite as our lifespans.
What I've learned: treasure the moment. It's all we have. If you see a chance at happiness, grab it. When it leaves, do not overly mourn for it is the nature of things. The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. | | |
| Anybody know Rich Mullins's story? It's incredibly sad. I used to think his songs were crap, lol. But there was one I heard on the radio on the way to Seattle that really moved me. B/c it was his life.
I would always be frustrated with all those relationships even when I was engaged. I had a ten year thing with this girl and I would often wonder why, even in those most intimate moments of our relationship, I would still feel really lonely. And it was just a few years ago that I finally realized that friendship is not a remedy for loneliness. Loneliness is a part of our experience and if we are looking for relief from loneliness in friendship, we are only going to frustrate the friendship. Friendship, camaraderie, intimacy, all those things, and loneliness live together in the same experience... I have no interest in anybody else and she is married to someone else so that's the way it goes and I don't mind that. Right now I cannot imagine that life could be happier married than it is single so I'm not in a panic about getting married. And I think, you know, maybe God wanted me to be celibate and the way that he accomplished that was to break my heart. So that's the way it goes.
I really look up to him though. Quote from wikipedia. His is the brand of Christianity I want in my life.
Jesus said whatever you do to the least of these my brothers you’ve done it to me. And this is what I’ve come to think. That if I want to identify fully with Jesus Christ, who I claim to be my savior and Lord, the best way that I can do that is to identify with the poor. This I know will go against the teachings of all the popular evangelical preachers. But they’re just wrong. They’re not bad, they’re just wrong. Christianity is not about building an absolutely secure little niche in the world where you can live with your perfect little wife and your perfect little children in a beautiful little house where you have no gays or minority groups anywhere near you. Christianity is about learning to love like Jesus loved and Jesus loved the poor and Jesus loved the broken....
I would rather live on the verge of falling and letting my security be in the all-sufficency of the grace of God than to live in some kind of pietistic illusion of moral excellence--not that I don't want to be morally excellent, but my faith isn't in the idea that I'm more moral than anybody else. My faith is in the idea that God and His love are greater than whatever sins any of us commit. | | |
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